Wake up parents!
Before my children were born I had dreams, visions and ideas of who they may become. It first starts with will they be a boy or a girl? Will they look more like their father or myself? As we anticipated his arrival we purchase, This tiny little life, still safe, cozy in the womb, never having taken his first breathe, was going to enter this world with all the necessities, clothes, diapers, toys and prepared his nursery, he had everything he needed and more, all in the cutest baseball theme. We were preparing to welcome our soon to be baby. We wanted to raise our son with our religious beliefs, coming from athletic families he would be an amazing baseball player, we would educate him and considered where to move based on the best schools for both education and sports.
By the time he was 3, he was fulfilling our every hope and dreams. He was reading easy chapter books, had many friends from his tot classes, sang solos at church, and his Grandpa had even changed the date of a photocopy birth certificate to get him on a Tball team, and he delivered he was amazing, he was our little dream come true!
We figured we definitely should have more kids, I mean we are fricken awesome parents, right?!
When I found out I was having a girl, my heart filled with so much joy, and my mind filled with pink bows, baby dolls and ballet classes. I decorated her room in a floral antique victorian style pale pink and white eyelet, as I anticipated my sweet ballerina to enter the world, again I dreamed of who she would be, hoping she would be and do all that I hadn't.
When my oldest daughter had turned 4 years old, I had a brief awakening, she was not this soft pale pink ballerina, she had sass, she was vibrant, imaginative, more of a hot pink girl and just like that I redecorated her bedroom. Although she didn't like dolls so much, she had several American girls, cabbage patch kids, barbies... my kids were spoiled to say the least, and special thanks to their Grandparents.
For all the short comings of my life, I would dedicate and myself to making amazing little human beings.
Their life, happiness, success and future was my responsibility and I would do anything and everything to make their lives the absolute best! Their happiness, accomplishments, triumphs, and struggles were all mine as well. They will have and be everything they want in life, and I will assure this even if I have to sacrifice myself for this!
My kids like most, started sports, social classes, Sunday school and early education all before the age of 3. Why? Because if you don't start them at 3, they will be behind, right ? They won't be successful, not accepted? Keep them busy, so they stay out of trouble, they say... We kept busy all right, 7 days a week, run, run, run! Practices till dark, eating out, homework till bedtime, myself cleaning till midnight or later, performances, lavish ridiculous birthday parties, on and on! Oh and make sure your partner is happy, your parents, your house and cars are updated, clean and you better look good, look happy while you're trying to stay a float! I remember once my cousin said, your going a million miles and hour, I was, and slowly but surely I felt as if I had lost control, and worse lost myself. But as long as my kids were thriving, well it was worth it, I could take antidepressants and fake the funk.
We looked perfect on the outside, but inside everything was in turmoil the conditions and standards that the world had placed upon me, was heavy and I was wearing thin. By the time my son was 13, he was diagnosed with instability of his shoulder, from overuse, he had Physical Therapy for years later.
By the time he was a Junior he could barely lift his arm in a throwing motion, but he kept on. He once came to me and said "I'll play but it's only for you and everyone else!" I sadly told him "good", since we had been supporting him playing, financially and basically lived at the field with him his whole life. But he was in pain, real pain, and really I didn't even buy it, I thought he was just trying to play around with his friends and girls, but after seeing the doctor we were told that it was much more serious than we'd thought, and so as a senior, he didn't play baseball that year, his high school team won that year, and even though he was there biggest fan, it had to had hurt, he graduated the next day and to make matters worse his grandfather whom he was extremely close with, died that same night.
Looking back, and retelling this story, I realize how very wrong I was all along. We give birth to them, but they are really not ours. Each having their own journey, path and purpose. We are here to help guide them, help them discover their true voice within, their passions which lead to purpose.
It takes years of undoing, unconditioning, for someone to be able to rediscover their own path. Your dreams are not your children's, they have their own. Accept them and their journey! Share with them, be willing to expose yourself. Share with them that you have stress, that you’re on your own journey too and life is hard, then demonstrate how you handle your stress, tell them about your past mistakes and what you learned from them. That all the sufferings and hard times we go through, make us stronger and wiser.
You can not expect your child to live in peace if you are not in peace.
You have the responsibility to teach your child about their inner voice.
Let them hear and learn to trust their inner voice.
Teach them difference between ego and self (soul)
Being present with them, completely present. Less talking, more listening.
Now that I am awakened to all this, I realize their is no perfect life, job, home, family, parent, child and I’m not a perfect mother but I love my children with every bit of my soul!
Shanna
